nani, you are made of sweetness and extremes. when you were just one you’re auntie nick named you our little sour patch kid and that was you. first sour then sweet, a pinch followed by endless love. and although there is no more pinching there are definite extremes in you. why am i surprised you are mine and your daddies and a leo to top it. i love that you are never full of cuddles. cuddles to you make your world better in any situation. we soak it up and when you demand your non stop cuddles i remind myself that you are 3, a very small number in the world and i am your home base. i hope to always be that base. i say that i have to remind myself because your demands for cuddles are in fact never ending and its not really a request. and since i am writing to your older self i will truthfully tell you that i struggle with being the mother that you need. a balance between showers of affection and sternness to reign in some of those extremes- i am still figuring it out. in my nightly prayers i ask God to help me be the mother that you, Eli, need. The one that is different but equal to the mother that Gavin needs and different and equal to the mother Kai needs.
A couple weeks ago during bed time as you were asking to be cuddled to sleep, i explained to you that Gavin has a lovey, his blankie. he cuddles it at night for comfort and he feels safe. i told you, you should have a lovey, and then i asked you what your lovey was. You said, “momma, you are my lovey”, and with that i scooped you up and cuddled you to sleep. Thank you for reminding me.

My baby Ocean.

I was waiting for you. And you have been everything I imagined and everything I hope to know. It’s been a blink of an eye and you are now one year old and on the verge of exploring on your own and I know you will take full freedom of it, knowing I am a few steps behind and your brothers a few steps ahead. It is truly amazing to see the look in your eyes as you watch them, so eager to join in. This last year has truly been the best year of my life and your daddy agrees. You fit with such ease and we are feeling more complete. This month on your birthday you have two bottom teeth, two on top that broke though but are taking their time. You take a couple steps to me and then free fall knowing full well that I will catch you.. And I always will. You say mamma and dada and what sounds like Lola, you clap and love peek-a-boo and hide and seek. You are my squirmy wormy feeder, just wanting be on the go with the bigger boys.. I get it and so I soaked up the time you gave me. It has been my favorite and unique time with each one of you.

I love you our baby
Love your momma.
1 week old

1 year

just us 12x….. it was in the rolls of film.

Letters to my sons. This i can do!

My baby G.
you made me.
and i can say soooo many more words but it really is just that. you made me.

now, i want to have in writing a few moments from this past month because as much as i have engraved moments into my brain and heart i dont want to forget. this month me and daddy went on a date, and when i told you a babysitter was coming so that we could go out, you asked if you could have a date with me too. so of course we did. we went bowling, just me and you and when we went to the craft store after you offered to “buy” me nail polish because we were on a date. even now my eyes tear up at your sweetness. but i think my favorite day was a week before that. and i think it has to be in my top 10 all time favorite days. the day you went running with me. you offered to come, put on your running shoes and you did it. you ran with me for over 2 miles and at a decent pace. you cant even begin to understand how happy that alone made me. but it got even better. the whole run, you talked to me. you always do but it was different. you told me about your day and shared your thoughts. we held hands while running. we did stairs. the running made me so proud but it was so much more than running to me.

iphone pic at half way point of our run

still number one in his book.
hmmmm… well, he still plans on marrying me… but i wasnt the first name he said when i asked who his valentine was :/of course he cant take a picture with out including a few of his lovey toys
still first choice here too, with Lola (our pup) trailing distantly behind in second.

Check out Treasure Coast, FL Photographer Lisa Tarplee site to continue the circle

a little lens baby on film

converted to b/w

all portra 400 rated at box speed

head over to Caroline Jensen’s site to continue the circle.